O. Nash 

A Tribute to the Poet, Ogden Nash (1902-1971)

"... my field -- the minor idiocies of humanity" 

On Husbands 
The Perfect Husband  

He tells you when you've got on 
too much lipstick 
And helps you with your girdle 
when your hips stick. 

The Joyous Malingerer 

Who is the happy husband? Why, indeed, 
'Tis he who's useless in the time of need; 
Who, asked to unclasp a bracelet or a neckless, 
Contrives to be utterly futile, fumbling, feckless, 
Or when a zipper nips his loved one's back 
Cannot restore the zipper to its track. 
Another time, not wishing to be flayed, 
She will not use him as a lady's maid. 

Stove-wise he's the perpetual backward learner 
Who can't turn on or off the proper burner. 
If faced with washing up he never gripes, 
But simply drops more dishes than he wipes. 
She finds his absence preferable to his aid, 
And thus all mealtime chores doth he evade. 

He can, attempting to replace a fuse, 
Black out the coast from Boston to Newport News, 
Or, hanging pictures, be the rookie wizard 
Who fills the parlor with a plaster blizzard. 
He'll not again be called to competition 
With decorator or with electrician. 

At last it dawns upon his patient spouse 
He's better at his desk than round the house. 

Return to: Selected Poems by Ogden Nash