A Tribute to the Poet, Ogden Nash (1902-1971)

Many Long Years Ago - 1945

That Reminds Me
A Bas Ben Adhem
Seaside Serenade
Sedative Reflection
People
Nevertheless
When the Devil Was Sick Could He Prove It?
Oh, Stop Being Thankful All over the Place
"My Child is Phlegmatic . . ." -- Anxious Parent
Ha! Original Sin!
The Party
Kindly Unhitch That Star, Buddy
The Passionate Pagan and the Dispassionate Public
Theatrical Reflection
Portrait if an Artist as a Prematurely Old Man
Scram, Lion!
A Brief Guide to New York
Birdies, Don't Make Me Laugh
The Pig
Lines to a World-Famous Poet Who Failed to Complete a 
        World-Famous Poem, or, Come Clean, Mr Guest!
Taboo to Boot
The Cobra
Very Like a Whale
Advice Outside a Church
Platitudinous Reflection
Fragonard
Electra Becomes Morbid
Reflection on a Wicked World
Our Child Doesn't Know Anything, or, Thank God!
Listen . . .
The Rabbits
You Have More Freedom in a House
Love under the Republicans (or Democrats)
Don't Look Now
Reminiscent Reflections
Lines to Be Mumbled at Ovington's
Don't Cry Darling, It's Blood All Right
Reflections on Ice-Breaking
Invocation
King Leer
My Daddy
When You Say That, Smile! or, All Right Then,
        Don't Smile
It Must Be the Milk
A Lady Thinks She Is Thirty
Procrastination Is All of the Time
Edouard
The Individualist
In Which the Poet Is Ashamed But Pleased
Funebrial Reflection
I Know You'll Like Them
Judgment Day
The Canary
The Terrible People
The Tale of Custard the Dragon
Political Reflections
It's Never Fair Weather
Arthur
Ma, What's a Banker?, or, Hush, My Child
Golly, How Truth Will Out!
The Camel
Will Consider Situation
The Rooster
Pretty Halcyon Days
Mr. Peachey's Predicament, or, No Mot Parades
The Sea-Gull
The Big Tent under the Roof
Drusilla
A Good Parent's Garden of Vision
Literary Reflection
Two and One Are a Problem
Song of the Open Road
Thunder Over the Nursery
The Clean Platter
The Duck
Mr. Artesian's Conscientiousness
The Lama
Goody for Our Side and Your Side Too
The Parent
Family Court
The Life of the Party
The Germ
One Third of a Calendar
More about People
The Cow
Lines to a Three-Name Lady
Little Feet
Genealogical Reflection
The Mind of Professor Primrose
Reflection on Ingenuity
The Turtle
After the Christening
Aside to Husbands
The Fish
Tell It to the Eskimos, or Tell It tot the Esquimaux
Reflections on Caution
Turns in a Worm's Lane
Election Day is A Holiday
The Rhinoceros
September Morn
From a Manhattan Tomb
Reflections on Babies
Epstein, Spare That Yule Log!
Birth Comes to the Archbishop
Some of My Best Friends Are Children
Old Men
A Drink With Something in It
Watchman, What of the First First Lady?
Children's Party
The Panther
The Very Unclubbable Man
Pediatric Reflections
Good-By, Old Year, You Oaf, or, Why Don't They Pay 
        the Bonus?
A Carol for Children
Song for a Temperature of a Hundred and One
What's the Use?
I Never Even Suggested It
The Kitten
Don't Guess, Let Me Tell You
The Caribou
Please Leave Father Alone
Legal Reflection
What's the Matter, Haven't You Got Any Sense of Humor?
Lucy Lake
The Oyster
How Long Has This Been Going On? Oh, Quite Long
A Watched Example Never Boils
The Wapiti
Hearts and Flowers, or, What I Know about Bolivar Black
Spring Comes to Murray Hill
Nothing But Nature
Two Songs for a Boss Named Mr. Longwell
A Warning to Wives
Song to be Sung by the Father of Infant Female Children
The Phoenix
Lines Indited with All the Depravity of Poverty
Malice Domestic
Machinery Doesn't Answer, Either, but You Aren't
        Married to It
A Child's Guide to Parents
The Turkey
The Seven Spiritual Ages of Mrs. Marmaduke Moore
Everybody Tells Me Everything
The Wombat
Look for the Silver Lining
Oh to Be Odd!
My Dear, How Ever Did You Think Up This Delicious
        Salad?
What Almost Every Woman Knows Sooner or Later
Pride Goeth before a Raise, or, Ah, There,
        Mrs. Cadwallader-Smith!
The Squirrel
Are You a Snodgrass?
A Parable for Sports Writers, Society Columnists, Bond
        Salesmen and Poets, or, Go Get a Reputation
Reflections on the Fallibility of Nemesis
Raven, Don't Stay Away from My Door -- A Chant for
        April First
Dragons Are Too Seldom
Suppose I Darken Your Door
Look What You Did, Christopher!
First Payment Deferred
Hush, Here They Come
Biological Reflection
I Yield to My Learned Brother, or, Is there a Candlestick
        Maker in the House?
I Had No Idea It Was So Late
Reflections on the Passage of Time, Its Inevitability and Its
        Quirks
Grasshoppers Are Very Intelligent
Hearts of Gold, or, A Good Excuse Is Worse Than None
Introspective Reflection

---

I'm A Stranger Here Myself - 1938

Curl Up and Diet
I Have It on Good Authority
The Middle of the Month
First Families, Move Over!
A Clean Conscience Never Relaxes
Bankers are Just Like Anybody Else, Except Richer
Prayer at the End of a Rope
Miriam's Lucky Day
Woman Pulls the Wires
Song before Breakfast
The Unselfish Husband
The Common Cold
Splash!
I'll Get One Tomorrow
The Japanese
The Friendly Touch
Don't Grin, or You'll Have to Bear It
Song for Ditherers
The Strange Case of Mr. Donnybrook's Boredom
Experience to Let
The Man With Two New Suits
It's Snug to be Smug
To a Lady Passing Time Better Left Unpassed
The Strange Case of the Blackmailing Dove
Nine Miles to the Railroad
Every Day is Monday
Poor Mr. Strawbridge
Coffee with the Meal
The Queen Is in the Parlor
The Eight O'Clock Peril
The Strange Case of Mr. Ballantine's Valentine
Epilogue to Mother's Day, Which Is to Be Published on
        Any Day but Mother's Day
England Expects
This Was Told Me in Confidence
Unanswered by Request
Cat Naps Are Too Good for Cats
The City
Nature Knows Best
Summergreen for President
The Strange Case of the Dead Divorcee
Everybody Eats Too Much Anyhow
Yes and No
Columbus
A Necessary Dirge
One Man's Meed Is Another Man's Overemphasis
The Strange Case of the Pleasing Taxi Driver
Everybody Makes Poets
No Wonder Our Fathers Died
Midsummer's Daymare
The Strange Case of the Irksome Prude
A Word on Wind
A Stitch Too Late Is My Fate
Spring Song
Shrinking Song
The Drop of a Hat
The Strange Case of Mr. Fortague's Disappointment
Under the Floor
The Strange Case of the Ambitious Caddy
Kind of an Ode to Duty
Boop-boop-Adieup, Little Group!
Man Bites Dog-Days
I'm Terribly Sorry for You, but I Can't Help Laughing
Where There's a Will, There's Velleity
The Strange Case of the Girl o' Mr. Spoonsoon's Dreams
The Calf
The Purist
The Ant
The Hippopotamus
The Centipede
Jangle Bells
Up from Wheelbarrow
Away from It All
The Sage of Darien
Pipe Dreams
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Heart Trouble
Out Is Out
Isn't That a Dainty Dish? No!
Oh, Please Don't Get Up!
How Now, Sirrah? Oh, Anyhow
Mr. Barcalow's Breakdown
The Evening Out
Song for Pier Something or Other
The Introduction
Riding on a Railroad Train
Just Keep Quiet and Nobody Will Notice!
Parsley for Vice-President!
Lines to Be Scribbled on Somebody Else's Thirtieth
        Milestone
Little Miss Muffet Sat on a Prophet -- and Quite
        Right, Too!
The Party Next Door
Locust Lovers, Attention!
Traveler's Rest
The Name is Too Familiar
Who Understands Who Anyhow?
The Banquet
Do Sphinxes Think?
Wednesday Matinee
Barmaids are Diviner Than Mermaids
So Penseroso
Complaint to Four Angels
A Plea for a League of Sleep
Captain John Smith
Requiem
Inter-Office Memorandum
Time Marches On

---

Good Intentions - 1942

Allow Me, Madam, but It Won't Help
You and Me and P. B. Shelley
Glossina Morsitans, or, the Tsetse
Now Tell Me about Yourself
Lather as You Go
Tin Wedding Whistle
The Skink
The Strange Case of Mr. Ormantude's Bride
The Absentees
April Yule, Daddy!
I Happen to Know
I'm Sure She Said Six-Thirty
Do, Do, Do, What You Done, Done, Done, Before, Before,
        Before
What, No Oysters?
Ms. Found in a Quagmire
The Sniffle
We Don't Need to Leave Yet, Do We? or, Yes We Do
The Smelt
Slow Down, Mr. Ganderdonk, You're Late
Creeps and Crawls
The Screen with the Face with a Voice
A Visit from Dr. Fell
Here We Go Quietly Nuts in May
I Want a Drink of Water, but Not from the Thermos
The Trouble with Women is Men
A Beginner's Guide to the Ocean
The Gander
Put Back Those Whiskers, I Know You
Bugs
No Doctors Today, Thank You
Dance Unmacabre
It's a Grand Parade It Will Be, Modern Design
Down the Mousehole, and What Science Missed There
Visitors Laugh at Locksmiths, or, Hospital Doors Haven't
        Got Locks Anyhow
Lament on the Eve of Parting
Suppose He Threw It in Your Face
The Grackle
Now You See It, Now I Don't
So That's Who I Remind Me of
There's Always an Ubblebub
Please Pass the Biscuit
"Tomorrow, Partly Cloudy"
Dr. Fell and Points West
Lines on Facing Forty
One Night in Oz
Thoughts Thought on an Avenue
Thoughts Thought While Waiting for a Procurement
        from a Doctor, an Editor, a Big Executive, the
        Department of Internal Revenue or Any Other
        Momentous Pronouncer
Samson Agonistes
Seeing Eye to Eye is Believing
The Strange Case of Mr. Niobob's Transmogrification
And Three Hundred and Sixty-Six in Leap Year
Just Wrap It Up, and I'll Throw It Away Later
Dr. Fell? I Thought So
The Strange Case of Mr. Pauncefoot's Broad Mind
Summer Serenade
So Does Everybody Else, Only Not So Much
Don't Even Tell Your Wife, Particularly
The Jellyfish
Frailty, Thy Name Is a Misnomer
The Caraway Seed
Celery
Please Keep on Forwarding
Assorted Chocolates
The Parsnip
I Burn Money
The Porpoise
The Shark
The Cantaloupe
The Octopus
Has Anybody Seen My Noumenon?
The Mermaid
A Bulletin Has Just Come In
The Eel
The Wasp
Not George Washington's, not Abraham Lincoln's, but
        Mine
The Kangaroo
Don't Wait, Hit Me Now!
Further Reflections on Parsley
I'll Write Their Number Down When We Get Home
The Fly
Ask Daddy, He Won't Know
The Termite
Fahrenheit Gesundheit

---

Versus - 1949

I Will Arise and Go Now
The Hunter
Thoughts Thought after a Bridge Party
Any Millenniums Today, Lady?
A Word about Winter
How Do You Say Ha-Ha in French?
Let's Not Climb the Washington Monument Tonight
Who Did Which? or, Who Indeed?
You Bet Travel is Broadening
What to Do until the Doctor Goes, or, It's Tomorrow Than
        You Think
Two Dogs Have I
On Waking to the Third Rainy Morning of a Long
        Week End
Quick, Hammacher My Stomacher!
The Cherub
Who Called that Robin a Piccolo Player?
What I Know about Life
Very Funny, Very Funny
We Would Refer You to Our Service Department, If We
        Had One
First Limick
Who Taught the Caddies to Count? or, A Burnt Golfer Fears
        the Child
There Were Giants in Those Days, or, Maybe There
        Weren't
Tarkington, Thou Should'st Be Living in This Hour
The Strange Case of Mr. Palliser's Palate
Will You Have Your Tedium Rare or Medium?
The Porcupine
There's Nothing Like Instinct. Fortunately.
Martha's Vineyard
The People Upstairs
The Strange Case of the Renegade Lyric Writer
Tableau at Twilight
There Are More Ways to Roast a Pig Than Burning the
        House Down, or, You Can Always Stick Your
        Head in a Volcano
Second Limick
September Is Summer, Too, or, It's Never Too Late to Be
        Uncomfortable
The Second Month It's Not Itemized
The Lion
Soliloquy in Circles
Roll On, Thou Deep and Dark Blue Copy Writer -- Roll!
The Strange Case of the Entomologist's Heart
Third Limick
Possessions Are Nine Points of Conversation
Polterguest, My Polterguest
Piano Tuner, Untune Me That Tune
Pappy Wants a Poppy
Not Even for Brunch
The Outcome of Mr. Buck's Superstition
Mrs. Purvis Dreads Room Service, or, Mr. Purvis Dreads
        It, Too
Oh Shucks, Ma'am, I Mean Excuse Me
Always Marry an April Girl
Listen to the Linotype
Lines to Be Embroidered on a Bib, or, The Child Is Father
        of the Man, but Not for Quite a While
Fourth Limick
I Do, I Will, I Have
The Guppy
I Must Tell You about My Novel
Good Riddance, but Now What?
Is This Seat Taken? Yes, or, My Neck Is Sticking In
I'll Take the High Road Commission
Have You Tried Staying Awake? or, They'll Find a Way to 
        Stop That, Too
The Asp
Grin and Bear Left
He Digs, He Dug, He Has Dug
The Eternal Vernal, or, In All My Dreams My Fair Face
        Beams
Cousin Euphemia Knows Best, or, Physician, Heal
        Somebody Else
Consider the Lapel, Sir
Here Usually Comes the Bride
I Am Full of Previous Experience
Confession to Be Traced on a Birthday Cake
If He Scholars, Let Him Go
Compliments of a Friend
Confound You, December Twenty-Sixth, I Apologize
The Middle
For a Good Dog
The Perfect Husband

---

The Private Dining Room - 1953

The Private Dining Room
Peekaboo, I Almost See You
Correction: Eve Delved and Adam Span
My Trip Daorba
The Anniversary
All, All Are Gone, the Old Familiar Quotations
The Happy Ending of Mr. Train
The Calendar-Watchers, or, What's So Wonderful about
        Being a Patriarch?
I'm a Pleasure to Shop for
A Caution to Everybody
I Didn't Say a Word, or, Who Called That Piccolo Player a
        Father?
Calling Spring VII-MMMC
Everybody's Mind to Me a Kingdom Is, or, A Great Big
        Wonderful World It's
Next!
They Won't Believe, on New Year's Eve, That New Year's
        Day Will Come What May
Change Here for Wichita Falls, or, Has Anybody Seen My
        Wanderlust?
Don't Look for the Silver Lining, Just Wait for It
The Astigmatic Naturalist
        THE CATERPILLAR
           THE TOUCAN
           THE PLATYPUS
           THE HAMSTER
Two Goes into Two Once, if You Can Get It There
Why the Postman Has to Ring Twice, or, Yellow Envelope,
        Where Have You Gone?
The Wild Jackass
The Tortoise
The Mules
The Cuckoo
The Birds
The Swan
The Voluble Wheel Chair
The Child Is Father to the Man, but with More Authority
The Visit
A Dog's Best Friend Is His Illiteracy
Eheu! Fugaces, or, What a Difference a Lot of Days Make
Everybody Wants to Get into the Baedeker
The Wendigo
Mr. Bett's Mind a Kingdom Is
The Strange Case of the Cautious Motorist
The Unwinged Ones
Whit Is Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo in Sanskrit?
You Can Be a Republican, I'm a Gerontocrat
Fables Bulfinch Forgot
          CHLOE AND THE ROUÉ
          THE THIRTEENTH LABOR OF HERCULES
          MEDUSA AND THE MOT JUSTE
          LEDA'S FORTUNATE GAFFE
Hi-Ho the Ambulance-o
Everything's Haggis in Hoboken, or, Scots Wha Hae Hae
Father, Dear Father, Go Jump in the Lake, or, You're
        Costlier than You Think
What's in a Name? Some Letter I Always Forget
The Strange Case of Mr. O'Banion's Come-Uppance
Hand Me Down the Old School Sliding Pads, or, There's a
        Hint of Strawberry Leaves in the Air
The Strange Case of the Lovelorn Letter Writer
How to Be Married without a Spouse, or, Mr. Kipling,
        What Have You Done with Mr. Hauksbee?
Have a Seat behind the Potted Palm, Sir
The Bat
The Chipmunk
Let's Not Play Lotto, Let's Just Talk
Tweedledee and Tweedledoom
I Remember Yule
Kipling's Vermont
Max Schling, Max Schling, Lend Me Your Green Thumb
        A TRAVELOGUE OF FLOWERY CATALOGUES
It's About Time
Maybe You Can't Take It with You, but Look What 
        Happens When You Leave It Behind
The Club Car
Lecturer in Bookstore
Reflections on the Vernacular
This Is My Own, My Native Tongue
Love Me but Leave My Dog Alone
It Figures
Tune for an Ill-Tempered Clavichord

---

You Can't Get There from Here - 1957

Anybody for Money? or, Just Bring Your Own Basket
Birthday on the Beach
So I Resigned from the Chu Chin Chowder and Marching
        Club
Nature-Walks, or, Not to Mention a Dopping of Sheldrakes
           1.  THE SQUID
           2.  THE OSTRICH
           3.  THE PRAYING MANTIS
           4.  THE ABOMINABLE SNOWMAN
           5.  THE MANATEE
           6.  THE SQUAB
Ring Out the Old, Ring in the New, but Don't Get Caught
        in Between
           1.  FIRST CHIME
           2.  SECOND CHIME
Ms. Found under a Serviette in a Lovely Home
Don't Be Cross, Amanda
Oafishness Sells Good, like an Advertisement Should
Sic Semper Mr. Sherman's Temper, or, Kindly Place Your
        Order in English
And How Keen Was the Vision of Sir Launfal?
The Solitude of Mr. Powers
A Brief Guide to Rhyming, or, How Be the Little Busy
        Doth?
Can I Get You a Glass of Water? or, Please Close the
        Glottis after You
Chacun à Son Berlitz
I Spy, or, The Depravity of Privacy
The Nymph and the Shepherd, or, She Went That-a-way
The Emancipation of Mr. Poplin, or, Skoal to the
        Skimmerless
The Buses Headed for Scranton
Fee Fi Ho Hum, No Wonder Baby Sucks Her Thumb
An Enthusiast Is a Devotee Is a Rooster, or, Mr.
        Hemingway, Meet Mr. Stengel
Your Lead, Partner, I Hope We've Read the Same Book
Ho, Varlet! My Two Cents' Worth of Penny Postcard!
It Would Have Been Quicker to Walk, or, Don't Tell Me
        We're There Already
Come On In, the Senility Is Fine
Exit, Pursued by a Bear
All's Brillig in Tin Pan Alley
           1.  I SAW EUTERPE KISSING SANTA CLAUS
           2.  GOOD NIGHT, SWEET MIND
The Literary Scene
Anybody Else Hate Nickynames
Caesar Knifed Again, or, Culture Biz Gets Hep, Boffs Profs
Do You Plan to Speak Bantu? or, Abbreviation Is the Thief
        of Sanity
I Can Hardly Wait for the Sandman
If Fun Is Fun, Isn't That Enough?
Mr. Burgess, Meet Mr. Barmecide
Never Mind the Overcoat, Button Up That Lip
My My
           1.  MY DREAM
           2.  MY CONSCIENCE
I Can't Have a Martini, Dear, but You Take One, or, Are
        You Going to Sit There Guzzling All Night?
I Always Say There's No Place Like New York in the
        Summer, or, That Cottage Small by a Waterfall
        Was Snapped Up Last February
Up from the Egg: the Confessions of a Nuthatch Avoider
I Know Exactly Who Dropped the Overalls in
        Mrs. Murphy's Chowder
Old Is for Books
Period Period
           PERIOD I
           PERIOD II
No Woe Is Gossamer to Mr. Bessemer
I'll Eat My Split-level Turkey in the Breezeway
The Self-effacement of Electra Thorne
The Snark Was a Boojum Was a Prawn
There'll Always Be a War between the Sexes, or, a Woman
        Can Be Sometimes Pleased, but Never Satisfied
Preface to the Past
The Strange Case of the Lucrative Compromise
The Strange Case of Mr. Wood's Frustration, or, A Team 
        That Won't Be Beaten Better Stay off the Field
Table Talk
           YORKSHIRE PUDDING
           THE SWEETBREAD
           THE PIZZA
           THE SHAD
To Ee Is Human
That's Funny, Wasn't It? No, It Won't Be
What's in a Name? Here's What's in a Name, or, I Wonder
        What Became of John and Mary
Try It Suns. and Hols.; It's Closed Then
Posies from a Second Childhood, or, Hark How Gaffer Do
        Chaffer
           DADDY'S HOME, SEE YOU TOMORROW
           THE ABSENTEES
           A BOY'S WILL IS THE WIND'S WILL?
How to Harry a Husband, or, Is That Accessory really
        Necessary? 
 Rapunzel, Rapunzel, Let's Let Down Our Hair
What, No Sheep?
What the Well-read Patient Is Talking About, or, Look,
        Ma, What I Got!
Crossing the Border

Selected Poems by Ogden Nash